In the pick-up artist community, one of the most common pieces of advice goes something along the lines of “Ignore her, it’ll make her want you more.” This claims to trigger some deep-rooted instinct for romantic love in females, which only comes to the surface when the object of her desire is just out of reach.

However, like many techniques you might initially think are gospel in the dating scene, the truth is that love, and by extension life, is more complicated than that. In the next few paragraphs, we’ll explore some of the common misconceptions about ignoring a woman and how you can avoid making the mistake of pushing her away when you actually want to bring her closer.

All women share some common characteristics, but individually they can think and behave very differently in the seduction game. Their needs and expectations can vary according to their personality, how they’ve been raised, and what they’ve come to desire from their partners.

With that being the case, does ignoring a woman make her want you more? Maybe. Maybe not. Let’s see how this approach of “ignoring women” might play out in a couple of different situations.

1. The woman you’re after has self-esteem issues.

It is often said that beautiful women are the ones always looking for attention. However, this desire for positive reinforcement is a common trait for every person who has felt neglected throughout their early life, regardless of attractiveness.

It is in such cases that the “ignoring approach” might yield results. A person who desperately needs confirmation from others will, in general, find someone who doesn’t feign interest to be rather mysterious and intriguing. Ignoring a woman with low self-esteem can make her want you more because she’ll try harder to get the attention from you she so desperately needs and craves.

2. The woman you’re after is a well-balanced individual.

Believe it or not, the social progress of the past 50 years or so has led to many women feeling empowered from an early age. Without the guilt that comes from believing they’re not as good as their male counterparts, their need for positive reinforcement later in life dwindles. In situations like these, you’ll be wasting your time by ignoring her, since she’ll feel no innate pull to get closer to you by sheer virtue of being disregarded.

Of course, the lines in the sand are rarely this clear-cut. Women from all walks of life tend to have moments of vulnerability and low self-esteem, just like men do. But you should definitely ask yourself what you’re looking for when attempting to establish a connection with a girl you like.

If it’s a stable and flourishing relationship you’re after, chances are that becoming involved with a woman who is susceptible to the old ignore tactic will also be much more prone to instability and eventual infidelity on her part. Think about it, if someone has such a glaringly exploitable weakness, why wouldn’t other men pounce on it?

Instead, why not focus your attention genuinely on the person you desire? The idea is to be “casually persistent”: make it clear to her that you’re interested, but be careful never to slip into neediness or outright desperation. How do you do that? Explore the Girlfriend Activation System for some very clever tactics on how to make a woman want you without ignoring her.