Let’s face it! We’ve all had that horrible first date experience. The one where things just don’t click…at all! There’s no spark. No connection. It feels awkward and uncomfortable the entire night, but you grin and bare it to be polite.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting a person for the first time and never wanting to see them again. Some people simply aren’t a match.
It could be lack of chemistry, totally conflicting beliefs, mannerisms etc. If things didn’t go well, don’t beat yourself up over it. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your date.
But what happens at the end of the night when you just aren’t feeling it, but your date is. You didn’t feel a spark. They did. What happens when the idea of a second date comes up?
Many people lie about a bad date to avoid being rude, hurting the other persons feeling etc. Although such reasons are valid, there are better ways of communicating your true feelings about a first date.
Here are some helpful tips to help you respectfully decline a second date with class.
1. Don’t use conflicting body language
It’s important to note that we communicate with both words and body language. In fact, research studies indicate that words communicate very little compared to your overall body language.
Don’t send mixed signals by doing things like holding hands or kissing if you aren’t truly interested.
2. Be clear & true with your words
This is another important point to consider. If for some strange reason you enjoyed the date but not his/her company (this happens a lot with dates which involve activities i.e. movies, racing etc.) don’t give general feedback.
Say exactly what you enjoyed and leave out the rest. Don’t say you enjoyed the whole date and would want to do it again only to ignore calls and text messages later.
Say it like it is without being disrespectful (you’ll see how below). It might be hurtful and uncomfortable to your date at first if they really liked you, but they will appreciate your honesty.
3. Leave out the ”we can be friends” line
Most people go for dates with the intention of getting a potential sexual and/or romantic partner. It is therefore a complete lie when someone goes out with you on a date and says they like you a lot but want friendship only.
It is important to note that it’s very hard to differentiate a genuine desire to be friends and a desire to be kind/nice to someone you just met to avoid hurting their feelings. This is why you should leave out the ”we can be friends” line if you don’t intend on taking things forward.
What should you say?
To avoid being rude, you need to be true and not arguable. Don’t say something like this at the end of the first date: “I don’t think we fit well together.” Such a statement leaves room for an argument because it is open-ended. Suddenly you are having an unwanted conversation about why you aren’t a good fit.
Focus on expressing how you feel instead. For instance, you can say: “Thanks a lot for coming. I enjoyed myself and I think you are a great person. However, I am not feeling the chemistry I am looking for.”
Such a statement ties all loose ends. You show appreciation, you acknowledge the other person, and most importantly, you state your true feelings.
Dating can be fun and exciting. It can also be weird and uncomfortable.
Being 100% honest and clear makes everything better in the long run, even if it’s a little awkward and uncomfortable at the time. In the end, your date will respect you for it.